SG1
You might wonder why these two words are the title of my blog. It’s because I don’t know how the sun can be so beautiful when someone I love dies. The world is just never the same when you walk back into the stream of life. I’m in Florida on vacation missing Diane and Joe. Now Joe died 21 years ago, but Diane’s death has brought a new wave of grieving into my life.
Both deaths ripped my little world apart. I wasn’t an innocent when Joe died. I lived through some pretty wild hippie and biker chic times – I escaped a violent beating from my first husband. Although he only did that once, it was his last chance. He was mentally abusive, but when he went to the other illness, I left and took my son, Joe.
Joe and I grew up together – I was 20 when he was born. When he was killed in a car accident, it was like I had been killed. I struggled with life, friends and work in my sadness and anger. I don’t see too many people from that time – they must have pitied me and been bewildered by my emotional rollercoaster.
When Diane died, I was looking forward to a new future with her in Georgia. She and I always had fun – from shopping in antique shops to singing MoTown in the car. The future was a bright until her light went out. I’ve been trying to make some sense out of life now for about five years. I sold my home in California, moved to New Mexico, retired, spent a long time selling the New Mexico house and arrived in Georgia at Diane’s house to start another journey – so much chaos for so long, I was longing for some stability.
I know it seems so selfish seeing this from only my point of view – but I had a lot riding on a new life that included Diane.
Now, I am struggling to find a place to fit. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about “fitting.” I just need to be myself – regardless of what that is – in this new place, with new people. Maybe that IS the lesson.
Filed under: Writing & Other Creative Endeavors
