Crap!

I hate when this happens – I wrote a blog coming down on the other side of the Kindle – no Kindle for me – the smell and feel of the books are what I love about reading.

Then – my niece and nephew showed me their Kindles at the family Xmas party.  I thought I’d be polite and look at their toys – a large format DX and a Kindle 2 (paperback size).  Just by holding the 2, I was changing the menu – I kept turning pages unintentionally.  Then I got the hang of it – and when my nephew placed that large format in my hands, it was love at first sight.  It’s thin – it holds lots of books and magazines.  It can enlarge the text for my aging eyes and it’s easy to look at new books and even sample them if I want.  I kept looking up the books I just bought – I hunted for U by Sue Grafton for less than its market price of $27.50 – I got it at $16.  Kindle has it for $9.99.  I fainted when I saw that Under the Dome was going for $35.00 at Borders – wonder what that is on Amazon?

I still love my hardback, trade and paperback books, but the seed of envy was placed in my head this week.   No more lugging four or five books on vacation.  I could read at Lowe’s while Mike hunts the perfect material for his “experiments.”   I could preview books.  I don’t have to subscribe to magazines or newspapers.

I guess I should take the advice. “Never say Never…”

I wasn’t in Georgia last night

publicity still from Avatar – no infringement intended – all photos remain the property of their owners

I don’t know whether it was the flying dragons, the hanging islands, the detail of the jungle floor, the mass explosion of bombs, the blue skin, long black braids or WHAT – Avatar rocked my entertainment/fantasy world early this morning.

Mike and I bought tickets for the midnight show.  I ordered them through Fandango.  When I went early to pick them up, I asked the movie clerk how many tickets were sold – trying to figure out how early I should get there.  I remember standing in line in California for a movie for two hours – and the crowd coming out was screaming the ending to everyone.  Rude.  California being rude is anther blog altogether.  The clerk said they sold 50 tickets and were expecting maybe 100 people.  HUH?  The BIGGEST movie event to happen in my lifetime (well, okay, maybe I am too dramatic) and only 50+ people seemed interested?  COOL.  I’d have it all to myself.

Mike and I arrived about 45 minutes early.  Avatar was the only midnight movie, so all the other movies (12 theaters) were getting out.  I roamed the lobby looking at new film offerings – not being aware that my movie watching was going to take enjoyment to a new level after that night.  Book of Eli looks good – Denzel and the world gone to dust and grime.

We were in among the first group let in – we took our stadium seats in the middle of the second tier row – we cleaned off our 3D glasses and we were ready.  Now, kids – not a condescending term – from the college started arriving.  Mike and I were secure in the knowledge we were the oldest people there – well, in the BUILDING for that matter.  But hey, the way I look at it – we were THERE – wanting in on something new and creative.  So the kids were filing in – yelling at each other, men hugging each other as only athletes can- pull the hand to the chest and lean over and strike the guy’s back – hard.  The women were young, beautiful and texting.  The noise was deafening – I hadn’t been around a happy crowd like that in a long time.

Once the movie began, however, you could hear a pin drop in that theater.  No cell phones ringtones interrupting the film, no people talking – all of us in rapture with our 3D glasses on.  I don’t even think people were eating or drinking – I did hear quiet ohs and ahhs – or maybe that was me.  Once when a big toothed giant red-hyena-like predator was coming out of the screen, I did slam back in my seat a little.  When the forest was burning, you could see little red embers falling in 3D looking like they were in the audience.

People clapped and yelled their approval after the film ended.  Those of us who took a film class in college remained behind for the all the credits to roll by.  MIke and I were the last ones in the audience.  We left our glasses in the lobby in the pile on the bench – yes, people actually were asked to recycle them and they did.  Wonders.  Mike and I were laughing and talking all the way to our car – mine was the fourth one left in the parking lot.  It was 3:30 or so in the morning.  When I got behind the wheel, I wanted to feel like I was on the back of a huge flying dragon.  Reality hit me like a wall though when I saw a big truck of chickens on their way to…well, I don’t want to think about that.

I don’t care how much it cost.  I don’t care if reviewers wnat to take issue with it.  I had a gift last night – being in the movie with all the trees, lights, animals and people for about 3 hours.  I was taken from Athens, GA and went farther than I had ever been before – across the universe to Pandora.

Thank you,  James Cameron.  What a wild ride it was!

Oh – and the beads were wonderful!!!  You gotta figure I’d watch out for the beads!!

Right on the cusp

this is a pin I did NOT win on eBay – I wanted it too.

Ever feel as if you are right on the edge of a breakthrough?  My mind is thinking all the time of storylines, photography, painting, paper ideas and I get the confidence I need and then I go in my art room and surf for three or four hours.  The ideas slip away – or get lost in the shuffle.  I’ve been trying to get some things done and they are still looking at me from across the room.  I was always great for unfinished projects and ideas.  I get distracted easily.  Underneath it all is feeling like a failure.  Although a lot of it, I think, is what I call, “The Next thing.”  While my mind is thinking ahead, I bypass the now in favor of the ahead. 

Or is it discipline?  I’ve never been too good at that.  I had so much all through school, not talking, not running, no screaming, no yelling, no bright colors, no, no, no.  Maybe I ought to not think back, but think forward.  Who am I now?  What do I like now?  I can remake myself at any time.  Why not now? 

Maybe tomorrow.  I want to surf some more.

Different paths

I was sitting at a restaurant last night with Mike’s family listening to the 500th telling of how Mike’s Dad would get Xmas trees from closed Xmas tree lots and drill holes in the best one and add branches from the others for a perfect tree.  As mike said, “We would have a perfect tree for one night.”  I never met Mike’s Dad as he died when he was 51 from cancer.  Mike was around 16 or so.  He and his two sisters laughed at their memory.  I love that story – I never tire of hearing it.  It’s all about making one night special, no matter what your circumstances are.

I had great holidays when I was young.  I was the first niece born in my Mom’s family and all my aunts and uncles would bring presents.  They’d come for dinner Christmas Eve.  I’d get to open one gift before I went to bed – of course then I’d have to get up and go to midnight mass.  I hardly ever slept – from the top of the stairs, I could listen to the adults  laughing and drinking.  There was a safe warm feeling in that night when I was in my warm bed, hearing my family around me – I’d be frustrated knowing I could not open anything else until we arrived home after mass – but anticipation was always worth it.  When my brothers and sister came along, the plan didn’t change much – except whoever was the baby at the time didn’t have to go to mass.

I tried to give my child the same kind of wonder about the holiday.  We weren’t going to mass of course, but we did stay up most of the night for eating and opening presents.  The year before my divorce, we had a horrible holiday.  All the pained details aside, the money I saved for presents was spent – unknown to me until the next morning when there were no presents.  We made some presents of our own with paper and paint – and I vowed never to be in that situation again.  The next Xmas after my divorce, my son and I were 3000 miles away in our own apartment and did I have presents for him!  He was so surprised and happy – I kept he and my brother busy for a long time opening presents – just to see him tearing off the paper and laughing made it all worthwhile.  I can still see him in my memory in front of the tree. 

It’s a curious day, Xmas.  Some see it as religious and they are all dazed with the nativity scenes, mass and messages of goodwill.  Others add to their “toy” quotient – whatever is new this year, big screen tv, cameras, cars, phones – when they already have a lot.  Some people stress about getting just the right gift or getting just the right wrapping paper or cooking an enormous dinner.  Some worry where they will stay or what they can find to eat.  There won’t be any toys or even trees in some houses – times are just too rough.

Me?  I just finished putting up my tree with all my old decorations – sentimental value only.  I haven’t bought new ornaments in over 15 years I think.  And they are quite the hodgepodge of items – metal wolves, cardboard bells, starched cotton thread stars and a lot of Star Trek ornaments – even talking ones.  Just for fun, I push the button on the Shuttlecraft to hear Mr. Spock wish me a happy holiday and to live long and prosper.  I gave two houses away to my god-daughters when I left, so I have eight little houses that light up.  I made the Village today.  Yesterday, I made a wreath for the door and two for the dining room windows.  I still have some lights to put someplace – don’t know where yet.

I won’t listen to any voices from my place at the top of the stairs, but the holiday will be good – and I have good memories to replay.

I simply don’t care

All this media attention on Tiger Woods is stupid.  He’s a golfer – he cheated.  People such as Tiger Woods live in a different world than I do.  They are sought after, praised, adored, can’t make a move in public without cameras and have all the money they could ever want or spend.  I guess that makes you believe that you can do anything and get away with it.  His life was dictated by his dad – golfing at an early age – strict discipline, so maybe that’s why he’s not so disciplined in his private life now.

You know what?  I simply don’t care.  People are hungry in this country – the scarcity of job is overwhelming and getting enough food to eat is the main struggle of a large part of the population.  Let’s hear some information we can act on – and not spy through a keyhole panting to see the next exploit of someone we don’t know.

Grow up.

Gifts

I used to love to get gifts for people at Xmas – while I was working that is.  I bought them or bought materials to make gifts.  I was one giving person.  I enjoyed it.  As time went on, it became harder and harder to stay within a budget and give something that people liked.  I used to tailor my gifts to the person.  The kids were fun to buy for because I always found somethings that were unique.

Then the kids grew up and they began to receive bigger and better presents from their parents and friends.  I couldn’t compete with UGG boots or clutch purses from a fancy Italian designer.  Still, I bought gifts that would stimulate imagination, like art or books.  Needless to say, I lost my ummpph as a gift giver/shopper.

When I retired and moved to New Mexico, the holidays came and I found myself mailing gift cards.  My holidays were over.  No more craft party Christmases with the god-daughters, no more work presents left on my desk – and the economy changed – I just couldn’t shop like I did – so hence, the gift cards.  Shopping for gift cards on the Internet doesn’t put me in the holiday mood.  I always have a hard time during the holiday season, but doing somethings for others got me out of my stew/pity party.

Three years in New Mexico led to the end of holidays as I knew them.  Mike does not have a holiday spirit, so it’s up to me.  My holiday this year is:  I am putting up the tree today – just for me.  I shopped online at Amazon for my sister’s grandkids – presents were delivered.  I picked up some art kits and a science kit for Mike’s nieces and nephews.  I am going to the JC Penny site for a gift card for Mom.

Think I will expand my universe this year – helping others who need it, rather than buying for loved ones who have everything already.  Maybe that’s the real meaning of the season – and I can keep that going all year-round by volunteering. 

Sounds like a plan – now where are my ornaments for the tree?

Better day so far

 

glass bowl – taken in St. Augustine, FL Art Show

The sky is a gray cloudy day – but I slept well, except for the sweating.  I know that is too much information to share, so I will not explain in detail – just some meds are causing it. 

I dreamt of bead shows, hats made of corn flakes, trips to see babies and someone desperately in love with me.  Don’t remember who, but I was watching Lord of the Rings yesterday, so that leads to interesting dreams the next night.  We’ve been watching Mad Men on DVD from Netflix.  I love the period piece, but could without the women being doormats – I know, then it wouldn’t be a period piece.  It reminds me a lot of growing up – the suits, the clothes and emphasis on power.  And wow- the smoking!  But that too was in my childhood.  All my family smoked – and all relatives smoked.  It was just a thing that everyone did and no one really thought about it.  Not even when my uncles came down with emphysema from working in a snuff factory – no one really stopped smoking.  Of course, people drank too – lots.  Even when my uncle was a recovering alcoholic, I remember his brother saying, “One won’t hurt.”  Denial.  (and my recovering uncle made it to a sober life and had a wonderful family who supported and loved him.)

Before his death, my dad eventually stopped.  My mom stopped after she needed some surgery.   I stopped too in 1976.  I used to love to smoke.  I still miss it every now and then.  I know the dangers and I am glad I stopped, but I still think some time of lighting one up.  I’d probably choke to death now – that’s ALL I need with asthma and allergies. 

Since reading Fast Food Nation, I know that I shouldn’t like McDonalds any more.  But when I think of comfort food, I think of a nice warm hamburger with cheese, salted fries and a Coke – on the run in my car.  My mind knows it’s bad, but my emotions say it makes me feel better.  Sounds a little weird, I know.

So I want to smoke and don’t – my brain wins out.  And I want a Quarter-Pounder, fries and a Coke, but I don’t pull into McDonalds.  Guess I’ll have to get some other vices.

Here I am again…

 

It started about Nov. 21, 2009.  That old feeling I get when I am about to run the gauntlet of depression – these holidays when everyone is so happy and sharing.  We gather to eat food together, buttering our bonds together with fresh rolls and “I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter.”  The holidays stand like a Klingon warrior path of ceremony.  I take the hits and do not flinch.  I smell those familiar wafts of turkey cooking and the bright tart taste of cranberry – and remember the last Thanksgiving I could have had with Joe.  I say could-have because for the first time he ate Thanksgiving dinner at someone else’s house – I didn’t mind – he was in love and his girlfriend invited him to her family’s dinner.  I can remember his saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll spend Christmas with you.”   He didn’t because he died December 6, 1988 in an accident.

Then December 6th comes around and I used to shop in Nevada City, CA for the day.  I spent it alone taking the day a minute at a time.  I used to try to fill the hole by shopping – it doesn’t work, trust me.  It just leaves me broke and still depressed.  I also usually watch Lord of the Rings or Aliens too, my stand-bys of movie-watching.  I am Gandalf before Belrog spewing fire, pounding my staff into the ground and saying “You SHALL NOT pass.”  When Aragorn is in the forest taking the leaves off his mother’s grave, I feel his pain.  I go through all these emotions and I get through the day somehow.

Today, I addressed the xmas cards.  I didn’t have the strength to do the newsletter that I usually do every year.  So much has happened, I can’t even put it all into words that I want people to see.  It’s not all bad, but the year has been a turmoil. 

I need some rest from all my drama.  I long for the past simpler times of peace/love and time with Joe.  He died in 1988 at the age of 21.  This year, that means it’s been 21 years since he died – he’s been gone as long as he was on the earth – 21 years. 

It just doesn’t seem possible, but it is my reality.  I’m doing the best I can, that’s all I can do.

The Pink Glove Dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdVfyt-mLw

Just watch.

I don’t think this is what they had in mind

Seen on the FOX web site – several times.  This ad was on the right menu column with other ads.

Did this guy fail to refinance?  I think he forgot to comb his hair.

(And yes, I know separate ad programs enter photos into text boxes, but at least you could check it one and awhile).

All photos/ads remain the property of their owners.  No infringement intended.