What can I say?  I didn’t realize how much I missed California.  The weather has been wonderful - sunny with a gentle breeze - emphasis on gentle.  We went home shopping and saw some great properties - more to come I think.  We are staying with friends - they have a small rental property and we’re in it for the month - surrounded by trees.  We are having a good time helping them with their “chores.”  Mike helped Kirk put in electricity for their spa and I did art.  Seems like a fair trade, huh?  I am busy working on my ATC SAC quota - I’m doing the diary schedule I did last time - I take an interesting thing I did that day and draw it - then I color it in later that night.

We are visting some other friends today hopping on their internet connection - we could not make the Borders connection last for very long - it kept disconnecting us.  So we still need to travel to use the computer.  I didn’t go on the computer all day yesterday!  I was jonesing…spelling???

We went to the Whole Earth Festival in Davis, CA.  It was a lot of fun - as it was every year.  I loved the drum circle and the booths.  I bought a nice journal and a magnet (art).  I had a falafel wrap and some hibiscus tea.  I go some great pictures.  I will try to load them on flickr, but I need a strong and seady connection - which I might not get any time soon.  The festival buys back the plates and glasses when you buy food.  They charge a dollar for each and reimburse you at a booth in the vendor area.  They do a constant recycle, so it is a truly a reduce-recycle-reuse event.  I love the spirit of the festival - we went one day - it goes on for three days.  I’d love to stay there all three days sometime.  Maybe when I move back - of course I’d have to get very rich first.

I am heading out tomorrow on a trip - so writing might be a tad sporadic.  I need some time away - some time with friends - some time in a place I like.

Happy (I have a salt shaker - a cat - from the kitchen table)

My sister sent me some pictures my Mom wanted me to have - pictures of my childhood - a very early childhood - six weeks and on up to what looks like 8 years old or so.  In some of those pictures, I have on a dress.  A dress.  A frilly dress.  I think I have blocked out any memory of my wearing a dress - ever.  I remember I used to love pants and shorts - I only remember one dress I really liked - it had a pale pink top with embrodiered sleeves and neck and layers of white thin crepe on something skirt.  I wore it at a photo sitting when I was 10 years old or so.

Another photo shows me with a big smile at 15 months - the dress - and a shot that followed shows me with a look that says - “What the heck is going on here - what are you looking at me like that - who is this person?”  It seems like I was estatically happy one minute and not the next.  I saw Easter pictures - a dress AND a bonnet - a straw bonnet and I don’t look happy - neither does my brother.  Wonder what happened - we probably had to go to Church before the easter egg hunt.

I have two photos that I am in wonderment at the Christmas tree.  Eyes wide and in my pajamas, I guess I just woke up - We were allowed to open one present on Xmas Eve and then we went to bed.  We were awakened at midnight and we got to stay up to play with everything - then came Mass and home again.  We had a lot of people over during the day - lots of aunts, uncles and cousins.  Xmas was the best holiday for me.

Paranoid - who took the cat??

Well, the birthday was yesterday and it came and went.  I guess this time of life is for introspective meditation - but nah.  I see no need to dwell on the past - every bit of it made me who I am today - oh, I have regrets, but I can’t go back and change it, so I accept it as it happened - hopefully, I learn from it all.

I always looked at age as a natural progression - a cycle of life - but now that I am older, I see why some women want to stall the process for as long as they can.  I’ve noticed all these lines around my eyes and now my mouth.  I’ve been losing weight, so all the nice fat that was keeping my facial skin plump and without lines, now has turned on me.  It was like the wrinkles were all waiting to pop out overnight.  I also think my eyes are sinking into my head.  Maybe not, but maybe the skin around my eyes has lost its fat too! 

My lower arms have decided that they like a crepe pattern instead of the smooth skin they used to have.  I noticed it when Mike was driving and I was resting my arm out the window.  I’ve since seen a jar of crepe-begone cream advertised for $30…yeah, right.

I think why I noticed all this was that I had a haircut at a salon.  I used to do this quite often when I worked, but for about two years, I’ve decided to just let it grow and have Mike cut it.  Well, sitting in front of the mirror for a long period of time does wonders for self-loathing.  I saw all the wrinkles and my thinning hair.  I wanted it cut short because it has thinned so much on top.  I used to be alarmed - I blamed menopause and now stress.  Now, it’s my hair, so I better get used to it.  I’m not the type to wear a wig - although I have thought about it. 

It is very pathetic to be in a salon where hair and complexion are the main points of interest and feel like you are lacking in both.  I never really focused on what I looked like.  I still look out of the same eyes I’ve always had - I think myself looking okay except for that hour sitting in front of that mirror in the salon.  When the stylist was finished, she flipped my hair in the back and said, “I left this long back here - most people that have this cut have it cut off, but I left it long to conceal your hump.”  And she tapped the bottom of my neck in the back.  I felt like Young Frankinstein, “What hump?” 

Oh well, hump and all - I am who I am - I can apply moisturizer and keep my hair longer in the back for camoflage. 

I am content with WHO I am - I am not my looks - I am what I accomplished in my life and as I look over the past - it’s pretty good.  Now I need to look at the future and see what’s ahead for me.  It’s an adventure that is waiting to happen and I want to enjoy every minute of it.

Photo:  My cousin Ralph and I in Austin

Sixty freakin’ two - how in the hell did I get here? 

Well, actually it’s a long and scary journey from being born in 1946,  12 years of Catholic school taught by cloistered nuns, a rebellion in 1966, marriage, baby, biker club, VW bus, hippiedom, protest the war, more hippiedom, miner in an amethsyt mine, downhill sprial of marriage, move away with my son, find a job with HP, find a great guy, move to California, volunteer at Viet Nam Vet Center, build our own home,  garage, barn and art studio, get my degree, my son, Joe, is killed when a tractor trailer truck runs a red light and hits his car, get a great job with Intel, protest the war, volunteer with homeless women, move to New Mexico, retire, do art and writing full-time (finally), protest the war, and looking to move back to California or another warmer place than New Mexico. 

Oh, and watching Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1 and Battlestar Galactica - fulfilling a promise to myself to indulge in fantasy at least three times a day or more.  I live vicarously through Teyla and Starbuck and if I gender switch, I could live through John, Ronon and Admiral Adama or Sam…ah Sam, ah Ronon.

Me. 

I’m a cowboy - on a steel horse I ride - I’m wanted - Dead or Alive - John Bonjovi sings the Deadliest Catch theme song and I can see the boats pitching into the waves.

It was a wild trip tonight, with Jonathan falling into the space between his docked boat and the pier - ouch!  Luckily, they got him out before he got too cold or was crushed by the boat against the pier.  Scotty left the boat at the stop to unload the crab.  I could see his dilemma - he wanted to see if he could crab, but didn’t want to sacrifice his family to do it - like his Dad.  I felt badly for the skipper.

Poor Moi is so tired and he squashed his finger in a pot door - it was swollen - and the captain told him to poke it so the swelling would go down.  He did - I had my face covered the whole time. 

The poor Cornelia Marie can’t find any crabs.  Pot after pot comes up nearly empty.  I hope he catches a break soon - even after two of the crew get Mohawks for a good luck.  Crabs?  Hair?  Hmm…

Another great night of the Deadliest Catch.

I’ve joined a couple of forums on my favorite television shows - Battlestar Galactica, Lost and Stargate Atlantis.  I’ve just come from one of the BSG forums and it was vicious.  Some people cannot discuss - they have to be right.  They ridicule other’s opinions and they get downright rude. 

On one of the Atlantis forums, a feud is going on about Dr. Keller on the show.  I’d say about 75% of the people who write hate her.  I am not saying just-don’t-like-her, but they want her off the show.  They go into detail about her age and her medical credentials…medical credentials?  She’s an actress playing a part - in a very good story and show that I really love - all of it.  I could not believe the anger and the rudeness written about her - I mean being a fan of the show, I have my favorites Ronon, Teyla and John and well, Rodney is my favorite too.  Leave Keller alone.

The same hatred shows itself on one of the Battlestar forums when it comes to Starbuck.  One woman in a forum that I write to a lot hates, hates hates Starbuck - she writes paragraphs when Starbuck appears on the show and goes on diatribes about her character, her looks and her attitude.  Well, Starbuck’s character is pivotal to the show…do you get it?

Lost is actually the fun forum where people share their ideas, clues and ideas about the island and its secrets - no one I’ve seen gets really bitchy about it - it’s a learning thing - I get going to all the links that people post and before I know it - it’s 6 p.m. and I’m looking for dinner.

In BSG and Atlantis, I just don’t know where all this anger comes from.  It’s entertainment - it’s wonderful time spent in another world.  Enjoy it - don’t make it your life’s goal to make other opinions wrong. 

Ease up - or I’ll send Starbuck to teach you a lesson.  So say we all. 

Or better yet, I’ll ask McKay to explain to you quantum physics and how the Atlantis shield works…that’ll show ya.

Now, I never liked crabs.  My family used to go crabbing on the weekends and bring them all home in a bushel basket (little crabs compared to the ones in Bering Sea).  Those crabs would try to escape - I used to like to look at them walking sideways.  However, my mother would put them in a big pot of boiling seasoned water - and tell me that they were “just going to sleep.”  Of course, sleep didn’t explain my aunts and uncles would them take those cooked shells and crack them open and suck the meat of them.  It was like a grisly Halloween tale for me.  I couldn’t watch.  I never developed a taste for crab.  What I do remember fondly was the conversation, laughter, the empty beer bottles and how we set the table with newspaper and nut crackers and little pointy metal sticks for getting out the “meat.”

So when one night there was nothing on television worth watching, I stumbled on the Discovery Channel’s The Deadliest Catch a reality show on the dangers of fishing (crabbing) on the Bering Sea.  I was new to me.  I hated reality shows - but this one followed several ships during the short season of crabbing.  I really never had been interested in those huge crabs.  I am now torn between wanting the ships’ crews to catch their goal and seeing all those crabs taken from the sea.  There are a lot of crabs down there.  Putting the crab pots in a line and then coming back to get them later keeps everyone busy.  Every time they haul that pot (huge steel) up, I can’t wait to see if there are crabs in it.  Crabs mean money.  Crabbing is extremely dangerous with high seas, cold wind and/or snow and ice.  The crew regularly has to chop the ice off the ship’s deck and rails.

I used to bitch when I had to go to too many meetings, sitting in conference room chairs and sipping coffee and eating danish - I feel badly now when I see Moi - a new crew hand - slipping across a wet cold deck and attaching raw pieces of cod in crab pots before he helps get the pot back in the water.  He was so cold and hurt that he missed a meal in the galley - and the other guys made fun of him.  It’s not a cool life aboard the ships.  In fact, the first season of the show had a ship go down in high seas - it was hit by waves and only one man got his survival suit on before the ship went down.  He was drifting in the sea for about an hour until the helicopter rescue team came to pick him up. 

These ships agreed to have camera on board and allow filming all through the trip - sometimes it’s not pretty when a captain starts screaming at the crew for not getting the crab count right or if the crew does not hustle.  They work hours on end and it’s not like there is an employee-rights council on board.  One ship had a suggestion box and at then end of the season, the captain opened it (a coffee can.)  One suggestion was that they get more sleep.  Sounds good to me.

I find all this quite fascinating.  The Bering Sea scares the heck out of me.  I watch those huge 20-foot waves crashing over the bow and see these guys standing on the deck during storms - man.  It’s scary.  I worry about the crabs too.  They are pulling out thousands of pounds of crabs - are there enough left for the species to go on?  The ships have a base limit on size, so they do toss back the little ones.

One goal I read was that the viewers feel sea sick watching the show - last night they achieved that with me.  My favorite ship is the Time Bandit and her captain, John Hillstrand - he’s like a biker fisherman - but he has a good sense of his ship and his crew.  I like him. 

 

Well, it’s Earth Day - and our planet is in sad shape - global warming, poverty, war, just to name a few.  I recycle paper, aluminum, glass, magazines, plastic.  Mike noticed the other day that people in our neighborhood have overflowing trash cans every garbage pickup day.  Granted, we are only two people, but our garbage can isn’t even full - because we practice recycling.  I am still working on the other two, Reduce and Reuse.

So last week, I challenged myself.  Let’s see how much reuse and reduce I can practice.  By happenstance, I walked into Sunflower Market and while I was picking out some vegetables, I saw two women tearing the covers off of magazines and throwing them into a box.  I asked them what they were doing and they said the magazines they do not sell - they return the covers and receive credit.  I looked at the pile of magazines - they just throw them out.  Ack!  I asked if I could have some and they thought that was a grand idea - I explained I use them in my art when I am finished and I recycle what remains.  I walked away with National Geographic, Living, Mother Earth, Entertainment and some video gaming magazines. 

Another item came to me by taking a walk - a saw some great plastic foam core signs in the garbage at my local library - took those for some collage work.  I saw a plastic female form at the checkout at Costco - someone bought a bathing suit and took it off the form.  The clerk gladly gave it to me to use in my art.  I tore down the diet coke zero box for some backing for my artist trading cards (ATCs).  I used the empty glass bottles of salad dressing and mayonnaise for vases of small rocks and branches from trees.  See pictures.

I collected some paint chips at the hardware store for art projects.  Instead of throwing away my coffee bag when i was finished, I tore it apart for use on my ATCs.  I even “saved” some rocks for a painting project I am thinking of doing with symbols from the Mayans.  I saved the small containers from the condiments from Quizno’s Subs.

For Reduce, I’ve been adding to my canvas bags and take them wherever I do shopping - not just grocery stores.  I’ve been purchasing products with less packing also - over my favorites that are over packaged.  I think I am getting the hang of it!

On Central

In a old blue car

She stared straight ahead

Her fingers gripped the steering wheel

Her blond hair curled down her shoulders

Those shoulders tense with fear or anger

The guy beside her was yelling

“Why did you say that?”

“I can’t believe you said that.”

What were you thinking, you bitch.”

He leaned in toward her

Menacing, he stayed there for a second

Before pushing back to his side

I looked at her profile

I saw her breathing become shallow

She still stared at the red light

That held us both captive 

On Central in Albuquerque

I rolled down my window

To see if the motion caught her eye

She glanced quickly at me

I mouthed, “Help?”

She shook her head ever so slightly, no.

She gazed at the light again

Tightening her grip on the steering wheel

He was still yelling.

Red turned to green

She held the petal down

The tires screamed

The car jerked

And roared down the street

I can’t forget her profile

And still wonder what happened

In that moment of anger

In the space of the time

It took to change traffic lights

On Central

In Albuquerque